Miscarriages and Fathers

While spending time looking for information about miscarriages and grief, I discovered that fathers can be neglected. It is no surprise that an expectant mom has a deep connection to her baby. Unfortunately, people may forget that fathers develop a connection too. While our connection lacks the physical aspect of carrying a baby, fathers are emotionally and spiritually connected with the mom and the baby.

This is seen in the how people may respond to such a loss. Most of the sentiments and inquiries are directed toward the mom. Often the dad is more visible as he is trying to protect his wife and shelter her from too many intrusions. The questions then are directed toward the mom for the dad to answer. The dad’s loss can be overlooked.

In my situation, I have not been ignored. I am blessed to live in a wonderful community and serve a healthy church. While many sentiments and questions concern Rebecca’s well being, many are also directed at me. I am thankful for the care so many have shown to Rebecca and to me and to the kids. However, I started thinking about other fathers that might be struggling. My challenge to myself and my readers – consider the loss of the father and minister to him as well.

I discovered a poem about the father in such a loss

A Poem for Daddy
– author unknown

It must be very difficult,
To be a man in grief.
Since “Men don’t cry”; and “Men are strong”
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test.
And field calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she’s all right
And what she’s going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask
My Friend, but how are you?

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But “stays strong” for her sake.

It must be very difficult
to start each day anew,
And try to be so very brave
He lost his baby too.

I also want to include some articles that discuss the grief of fathers and coping mechanisms (both good and bad.) By raising awareness of these things, perhaps other fathers will receive the same support and care I am receiving from our community, our church, our supporters, and our family.

Miscarriage: Fathers Hurt, too!

Nobody Understands Me

Where Does A Father Find Support?

What’s Wrong With Me?

Coping With Miscarriage

A Father’s Perspective on Miscarriage

Miscarriage and Fathers

Please, if you know a couple that is grieving a miscarriage, check out these articles for advice in ministering to the father. The couple is grieving together and both should be cared for and ministered to.

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2 responses to “Miscarriages and Fathers

  1. Pastor Bill,

    I am so sorry for your loss. We too have lived through this grief, and I think your perspective is right on. I don’t remember a lot of what was going on around my miscarriage, but I know for sure my husband was not ministered to. The Army expected him to keep moving forward – it wasn’t his loss. I will keep these things in mind in the future. Being a woman, I tend to ache for her, and reach out to her, but being a Christian, my focus should be the whole couple. Thank you for sharing.

    God’s blessings,

  2. Pastor Bill

    And thank you for your kind words.

    We are doing better, but I took time off from blogging while we dealt with our loss. Currently, we are actively trying for another baby. We did get my wife a necklace with birthstone pendants for all three of our children – including Joy who we didn’t get to hold.

    I do hope that others will be guided to ministering to the entire couple – such an achievement would help soothe our loss.

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